In the previous post, I've mentioned how I am sooooo intimidated to do everything all alone by myself. The main question is, am I happy? Am I truly happy that I married to someone that I love and longed for?
Of course I am happy. As being the last one and very close to my siblings and all of my 8 kids (nephews & nieces) I'm glad that they can share the love with my husband too. Now they have their own paksu eventhough paksu still macam malu-malu to mingle around. I'm so grateful that my husband is not only a cat person also love kids that much, sincerely.
The main point is, being the last one in the family when the gap between my age and my other siblings are like sooooo wide (my eldest sister is 17yrs old - older than me) well I must say I love being alone. In add, my primary school friends' even thought me that I'm the only kid in the family as they always seeing me going out alone with my parents. Like, what is the percentage of me having another sisters/brother?
I guess that is why I love whenever I have my own space. I sometimes pushing people away just to have that own kinda space of mine even though on that particular time, I'm like in the sea of people.
Marriage life itself is a team. You can't just decide or do anything all by yourself. You cook for two, eat for two, play for two even fight for two, and you can't just simply act selfish of satisfying your own needs.
I sometimes have problem to share things esp foods, or money with people, I do have that problem. I can keep things aside and save it for my husband esp when I cook delish foods and stuffs but when it comes to my fav, I'll be like changing into someone else and being all stingy.
Not just with him, but with my other siblings and kids too. Things that I like, moreover things that I love, I hardly share with anyone else. This is me acting like a merely kid but I guess the way I'm living my life since a kid, is now portraying the behavior as I'm aging up. Tough life weh. Tough lah sebab susah nak ubah attitude :/
I'm learning to tell everything from the scratch as if getting important news or things that I wanted to share, any secrets (mostly gossips) he'll be the first person ever for me to talk to. But sometimes, I will just telling my mom as soon as I heard something new nor sharing anything that I love.
I am now FIND IT HARD to be a daughter, also feeling sorry to all mothers of daughters out there, when you are the one and eventually having the struggle to raise a daughter and yet when they get married, they'll getting far from your life. Isn't that heartache? T___T
A married daughter have to obey to her husband, and the priority also changed to husband's families as the husband comes first, the parents in law and then only your mother. I find it cruel sometimes whenever I'm having the thought.
But, this is the biggest jihad anyways, got nothing to lose :)
I miss mama already.